i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How external is "for external use only"?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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