she looked like the before picture.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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