last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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