But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
