Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
