Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
