it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
