Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
