i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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