Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize