his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
