saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
