note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize