I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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