i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
