smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
