Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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