We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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