you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
