My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
