She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
