Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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