what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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