was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
