I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
