Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
