I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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