All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
