hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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