im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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