Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
