Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
