My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I AM VODKA MAN
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
