You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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