Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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