why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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