Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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