sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
