she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
