oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
