theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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