your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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