i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
