Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
