Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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