do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
