Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
nutella sex= disaster
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
