my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
