I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
