Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
