Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
did i just pee glitter
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
