: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
