I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
