If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
