It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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