yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
