Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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