ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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