so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
