the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
